Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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