i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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