My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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