As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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