i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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