if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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