It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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