Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we made out on top of his cat.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Randomize
