I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
