I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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