my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
