Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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