Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
