I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
