And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
