it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize