I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
