I'm passing your future prison.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this will be a night to untag.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
