I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
