I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
