Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I cockslap morals
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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