My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
