someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
