If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize