I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
