i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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