We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
