I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
