I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
