Jerry, you need to find god
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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