I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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