oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
