Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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