Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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