I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
