come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
