rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
