that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
