Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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