Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
