I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
