i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
