Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
