He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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