I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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