and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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