I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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