I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
