Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Less talking, more tequila
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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