Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
