Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
