This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize