The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
