Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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