High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
