Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
