I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
