I can't watch pbs sober anymore
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
