Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
