She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize