don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
