I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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