I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
