Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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