apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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