I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
this is an emotional support booty call
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
