Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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