i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
