ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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