Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
