3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Fuck appropriateness.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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