i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he had hair everywhere except his balls
send nudes
from the living room?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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