I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
