the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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