i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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