Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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