I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
