omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
