found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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