is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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