i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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