i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize