Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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