if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
