I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
