i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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